Performance and it's inevitable review...

So it's March 15th 9:18 pm and I just finished my performance reviews. I actually took work home to do it(homework). I must say, it is quite difficult to accurately review someone's performance and remain in the confines  of acceptable corporate verbage (corporate verbage = the right way to say things at work). 

For example let's take "Billy", Billy is a fucking retard completely incapable of accomplishing the simplest task without fucking it up, or taking three times the normal amount of time to complete the same task any "normal" functioning individual would. In fact Billy is so fucking stupid he should be castrated and made an example of in order to discourage other stupid people from breeding for the sake of humanity as a whole.

 Corporate verbage translates to; Billy is inconsistent in completing duties(i said duties) in a timely and accurate manner. I encourage Billy to maintain a more active awareness of his daily tasks and prioritize them to more effectively and efficiently complete them. 

Well were's the fun in that? 

Not to mention actually giving these reviews to the reviewee, everybody's got a fucking excuse for everything. Not to mention any thought of accountability is right out. It's always somebody else's fault they can't do there job. But we must be sensitive to this, "Billy how can I help you perform better?" 

I hate to be so intolerant of people's stupidity but for the love of Pete...just do your fucking job :-)

illness

Well it doesn't happen often but today I feel a bit under the weather, and it sucks to be when I'm under the weather. It's like everything is completely out of my control, and I am forced to face the fate destiny has dealt me. My mind is cluttered, I can't seem to articulate anything, and I fight sleepiness like a wild animal in the Sahara desert does for the last puddle of fresh water. Not to mention I am a whinny whinny bitch. It obnoxious really.  I try not make big deal about it but people always ask how you are, and I feel it would be dishonest of me to say I was fine. Then of coarse everybody seems to have the key to your return to health. Can't you just let me be miserable for one cotton-pickin' minute. It's not often I get to feel this way, and it provides me with the perfect excuse to accomplish nothing. Not to mention all the attention, it's been years since my mom put her hand to my forehead to see if I was running a fever, or brought me chicken soup while I watched TV all day. And quite frankly I miss it. So now I spose I'll just take what I can get. And today what I got was a couple of awww's, words of general concern and a packet of Theraflu from my pal at the Mac counter. So thanks Cari your the bomb-dizzle! now its time to take some NyQuil and see if I can stay up for House. Riley out! 

I laughed my ass of at this.

The Fuckin' Catalina Wine Mixer;

1. I Was a Lover - Tv on the Radio

2. Kids - MGMT 

3. Haiti - The Arcade Fire

4. Tears for Affairs - Camera Obscura 

5. Post Cards From Italy - Beirut 

6. Boy With a Coin - Iron & Wine

7. Roscoe - Midlake 

8. I Need a Life - Born Ruffians

9. If I Ever Leave This World Alive - Flogging Molly 

10. A Hand to Take Hold of the Scene - Okkervil River 

11. Timebomb - Old 97's 

12. Off the Record - My Morning Jacket 

13. Full On idle - The Breeders

14. Gravity Rides Everything - Modest Mouse 

15. The Captain - Guster 

16. You Can't Hold the Hand of a Rock and Roll Man - Okkervil River

17. Lake Michigan - Rouge Wave 

18. Spitting Venom - Modest Mouse 

enjoy.

Some Rules...

Knives are Sharp

Fire Burns 

You Can't Fly 

And I'm Not a Sheep

Have you ever pooped your pants?

I have, and let me tell you...it's no picnic :-(

capitalization

have you ever wondered were babies come from? well i know, i looked it up. people think its the miracle of birth, but their all wrong. babies are made in a factory in des moines, iowa by a company by the name of heywhydon'tyousitdownandenjoyafrappachinowhilewemakethisbaby co. the average cost of production is somewhere around a nickel to a nickel and a half, but the mark up is ridiculous. not only that but the maintenance on them will cost you an arm and a leg, perhaps even your eyes and your husband's smile, or your mother's nose, or even the cantankerous attitude of you grandfather. either way i'm always back and forth on whether or not to get one. i'm not sure were that came from, or why i even thought of it...i just thought i'd share it with you.

IDK WTF I'm doing

Well, my Boosh Face suggested that I do this, and right now I'm doing anything I can to avoid writing the performance reviews I have due by the end of the month. So far I have made a kick ass mix for my Home-piece Brandonius, checked my fackbook 1000 times even though I know nobody's send anything new because of the 1000 times I've checked my hotmail account. I watched a half of an episode of House I've seen before, eatin 8 oreo cookies with no milk 'cause I'm lactose intolerant, a good hands full or two of pretzels dipped in Helluva Good french onion dip, smoked a cigarette, and now I'm listening to the mix I made writing down all these trivial things I've done, merely to avoid writing a performance review that has no good news inside. 

Why is it so difficult to deliver bad news? Especially when it seems like so much fun! I often day dream of really leaning into one my employees and giving 'em a piece of my mutherfucking mind. "Hey asshole, just do your goddam job for the fucking love of Pete!" I'd say, all the while with a grimacing face to accentuate my anger to their sheer stupidity.  Who knows! Maybe even point a finger or two. Then finish it off with a whollopping, "You'd better get your shit together, cause my patients is getting awfully fucking thin, and I' tired cleaning up your shit!" 

But that's not me at all, it comes out more like, "Hey...Listen...I think your doin' a great job but maybe we could do somethings better, maybe it's my fault, perhaps I haven't supported you enough." WHAT!? How did I come into this equation?   

I guess it's how I'd rather have someone talk to me, but people don't. I'm always made to feel quite the dick when people scold me. Is this what i need to do to get ahead, because if it is I say, "no thank you sir". 

Well, I think I've waisted enough time to have to get to bed and not do my work. I hope I don't miss my deadline.